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Category Archives: Weird People I Have Known

If he comes out of his pocket with a gun…


Our family friends, Gary and Kathy, were dining with us at a McDonald’s restaurant in Georgia.  It was hot summertime and had just rained about a tenth of an inch, so the temperature was still mid 90s, the streets were oily, and the humidity gauge offscale high.  We were discussing the then-recent mass shooting at […]

Snake handling man


A grunt named Jimmy worked at the farm next to ours. Jimmy, rail thin except for a small pot belly, had a wife and an albino horse who were about the same size. He also had two filthy little boys, toddlers who never wore anything but a disposable diaper which got changed weekly. The eldest, […]

Bat and breakfast


I knew a guy some years ago who, together with his wife, opened a bed and breakfast in a small southern town.  The B&B was located in century-old frame house three stories high.  The third floor was really just a huge attic.  The attic was home to a vast colony of bats. He began trying […]

Young achiever


I went to high school with a kid named David.  David, two years my junior, told many outlandish lies, typically in response something you’d said to him.  David once asked me what I was doing over the summer, and told him I was taking a few flying lessons in a Cessna 150. Tilting his head […]

Turkey Pardon


Important intelligence update from not quite on the front lines of military service… by Ghost Writer I have recently been informed by a less than reliable source that a nefarious plot is afoot in our nation’s capital. It seems that the President, seeking a secure means of communication with CIA field agents scattered across the globe, has developed […]

Woo-oom, bump!


We were watching a movie with the kids late one night when we started hearing a rhythmic sound like woo-oom, bump!  Woo-oom, bump! Eventually one of the kids said, “Mama, what’s that sound?”  Mama was sure she didn’t know, but the woo-oom, bump! continued. Presently the outside motion detecting light came on, meaning somebody was […]

Planting by the moon signs


People were filing out of our rural Georgia church when I casually asked one of the farmers when the correct time was to plant potatoes in the garden.  He answered mid-February but was shouted down mid sentence by his belligerent domestic affliction who said, “First full moon after the 14th of February!” He turned to […]

Wanted by INTERPOL


by Ghost Writer One of the intangible benefits of military life is the opportunity to work with some very unique people. Recently an acquaintance of mine informed me of his intent to copy a few DVDs for some friends. Half-jokingly I advised him, “Be careful with that or INTERPOL’s gonna get you.” He gave me […]

Bike guy


Back in college days, I was in my living room studying when my wife exited the front door and met a guy coming up the sidewalk.  He wanted to know if I was at home.  Yes, she told him, just knock.  She continued on, getting in the car and leaving for the miniature Wal-Mart in […]

Car customer


I was trying to sell a Ford Escort station wagon back in the days when you had to go to the newspaper office, buy a two-dollar classified ad, then wait for phone calls about it.  By and by a guy called and came to check out the car.  He brought his wife along, a scraggly […]

Invincible stupidity


Circa 1977, I was exiting a pre Wal-Mart discount store in Pine Bluff, Arkansas.  About the time I reached my truck, the guy parked next to me tried to start his giant Buick land barge.  It said, “Gr-r-runk… tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki.”  He hit the key a couple more times, and the starter would […]

General comment on human strangeness


I’ve seen people indulge fantasy behaviors mixed with just plain old selfish irresponsibility (and not a little cowardice) until they became non-functional adults.  I’m not, to borrow the sappy term, a mental health care professional, so my calling something like that a mental illness may be a misnomer.  But in my years of pastoring, I […]