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A View from the Altar / Carrie Nation Meets Buzz Lightyear
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Carrie Nation Meets Buzz Lightyear

With the grudging consent of the Republic of Texas, Mitt Romney is headed for the GOP nomination for POTUS.

Which is really not good news because Romney is a shape-shifter.  Ann Coulter says Mr. Romney has been moving to the right for many years, yay for him, and isn’t this what we wish all liberals would do?  Yeah, well, whatever, and it doesn’t matter anyhow.  Romney will be the man unless Providence intervenes with something historically cool.  Otherwise, you only get to choose from your choices, Romney and Obama.

The most pressing problem facing the country right now is the ever-growing enormity of abortion.  Mr. Obama is radically pro-abort.  Mr. Romney’s website says he’s pro-life.  That’s a big change for Romney in the right direction.  Let’s hope and pray he means it.

The second most pressing issue in America right now is the locust plague of government swarming over everything.  What hasn’t been first politicized then sucked under the rip tide of the regulatory tsunami?  Nanny-state bureaucrats are lunging for control over every detail of your life including what you feed your kids.  FLOTUS says no cheeseburgers, which makes her proud of America for perhaps the second time.

On spending, hagiographers in the Ministry of Truth have now revealed in Obama’s terrible gaze the hard glint of a merciless deficit hawk.  The cheapest federal tightwad since Calvin Coolidge.  This would be a knee-slapping, pants-wetting howler if it weren’t for the shocking fact that some voters believe it.  Scary.  Alas, Mr. Romney is not the sort of man who can take on the bureaucratic establishment and defeat it.  For that you need Joe Stalin and an army of loyal henchmen.

On their religious underpinnings, we have Rev. Wright (look under the bus) versus the Mormons.  I can’t even compute that.  It’s like a clash of the droid armies with the zombie apocalypse.  Nobody on either side has brains.

On governing values, it’s a Chicago gangster versus a New York bankster.  Meh.  Pick your poison there.

Carrie (Image Wikipedia)

Buzz (Image Wikipedia)

And on the Constitution, the election pits Carrie Nation against Buzz Lightyear.  Mr. Obama sees the Constitution as a wagonload of white lightning being given to a mob of barking-mad conservative hooligans who think — get this — the Constitution limits the president!  He’s readied Carrie’s axe in hope of a second term; be sure about that.  Mr. Romney, no idealogue he, betrays puzzlement about how anyone could imagine the Constitution as an election issue.  Eyes skyward, he scans distant memories, “Constitution?  Oh, yes, how could I forget?  I’m tracking with you now,” and then eager to please he asks Star Command to Fed-Ex a copy to the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four.

And then there’s ObamaCare.  Mr. Romney sired it in a sweaty night of illicit passion.  He lay with his concubine Massachusetts.  She conceived and brought forth a hideous creature half ape and all idiot.  After the National Enquirer broke the news, Romney’s damage control lawyers from the Gamma Quadrant found an anachronism called “Tenth Amendment” (the existence of which was heretofore officially denied in Massachusetts) and legitimized his bastard spawn by declaring the creature a states’ right.  But then Romney disowned it anyway, and like King Herod vowed “on Day One” to put his offspring to the sword.  One can always hope.

Meanwhile, Mr. Obama has adopted the freak, named it after himself and commenced trying to intimidate the Supreme Court into appointing it his vice regent… in vain, we pray.  No worse expansion of the abortion industry and the regulatory empire could be imagined than for ObamaCare to get an approving nod from the Blackrobed Nine.

And there you have it, America’s offering to the world for 2012.  May God help us.  Seriously.

otherbrothersteve@gmail.com

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