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A View from the Altar / Wanted by INTERPOL
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Wanted by INTERPOL

by Ghost Writer

One of the intangible benefits of military life is the opportunity to work with some very unique people. Recently an acquaintance of mine informed me of his intent to copy a few DVDs for some friends. Half-jokingly I advised him, “Be careful with that or INTERPOL’s gonna get you.” He gave me a you-must-be-kidding look, then said with all sincerity, “That’s only if you do something real bad illegal on the Internet.” My confused expression must have begged for an explanation because he immediately launched into detail. “You see, that’s what INTERPOL stands for: Internet Police. It’s a government agency that uses Google to track what you do on the Internet and what websites you go to. That way if you get too crazy or go to like, seriously illegal sites, they have a force ready to come snatch you up. And once those guys get you, you’re gone, Buddy. Freakin’ gone.” “Gone where, exactly?” I inquired. “Oh, you know the usual places we stash people we don’t want found… Europe, South America, Guantanamo Bay, Area 51.” According to my coworker, Area 51 has always been used to secret away persons the government has deemed to be a threat of some kind. “The ‘aliens’ are nothing more than regular prisoners who’ve been dressed up, and those UFO sightings? Well, that’s just transports bringing in more prisoners. Of course, now that everybody knows about it they’ve stopped using it so much. There’s a new Area 51 but right now nobody knows for sure where it is.”

Later in the day I asked him how he came to the conclusion that Google was part of a government tracking program. He narrowed his eyes, ran his eyebrows down low, and in a whisper asked if I had ever typed a Marine Corps order in the search bar. “Yes,” I replied, “Many times, in fact. It’s the quickest way to find what I’m looking for.” After nervously glancing over his shoulder he turned back to me and said, “Well don’t you find it just a little suspicious that the first page it pulls up is always an official government page?” I allowed that I did not find it the least bit odd that searching for a government document produced a government web page in the results. His indignant reply: “Oh, yeah? Try that with Microsoft Bing and see what happens!”

otherbrothersteve@gmail.com

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