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A View from the Altar / Turkey Pardon
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Turkey Pardon

Important intelligence update from not quite on the front lines of military service…

by Ghost Writer

I have recently been informed by a less than reliable source that a nefarious plot is afoot in our nation’s capital. It seems that the President, seeking a secure means of communication with CIA field agents scattered across the globe, has developed a method for authorizing “hits” that is immune from the prying eyes of…well, pretty much anyone. What is this new development? Some top secret radio? Password protected computer systems? DNA verification? Nope, it’s the annual Presidential Turkey Pardon.

According to my source, who admittedly didn’t “have all the facts yet”, right after September 11, 2001, then-President Bush needed to authorize a field agent to take out a certain high-profile target. Knowing that he could not explicitly condone this type of action (official U.S. policy does not permit government-sponsored assassinations), he instituted the Turkey Pardon as a cover for sending a secret message to the agent waiting orders.

According to my intel-loving comrade, the names of the turkeys the President pardoned were actually code names for individuals the agent was to allow to walk. Under his theory, the agent has a list of three names, with each name assigned to one of the turkeys the President could potentially pardon. The turkey (name) the President does not pardon in the ceremony becomes the target the agent is supposed to eliminate. My source indicated that he expected to see this program to continue, as it appears to be working quite well. I thought about inquiring as to where the target list came from, but it occurred to me that perhaps this is where the infamous Internet Police come into the picture.

otherbrothersteve@gmail.com

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